Category Archives: reduce

Oct 14 2012
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adventure, reduce

Stuck, Shellac & A Side of Yes-piration

Stuck
The month after we married in 2011, TB, as he says, began working “without drawing a salary” from his start-up business (see: unemployed.)  In September, a friend threw him a bone and he’s working a contract job for the election making half of what he did in early 2011.  Marrying a man who immediately after was unable to contribute to our new family, but rather starting borrowing my emergency savings was not only scary but really a hard pill to swallow.  Normally Type A and very fiscally responsible (thanks, dad), I’ve surprised myself in being pretty cool about the whole situation.  But now, after more than a year without being able to take a vacation or do any house projects, and being on the heavy side of our 50/50 arrangement, resentment and restlessness are setting in.

I’m sick to death of the abstract conversations about refinishing the tub, fixing the sink, cleaning the ducts, updating the kitchen, finishing the basement, etc. Fed up feeling stuck, I purchased a light fixture to replace the awful light in the office.  Since electricity scares the bajesus out of me, TB lovingly agreed to install it. After he surely fried the unit’s wiring trying to install,  it’s now collecting dust on the floor.  Deflated doesn’t even begin to describe the disappointment.

Lately, any financial woes have always resulted in the same fear: going into debt to have a baby. The idea of taking on the stress of the financial burden of a kid is just too much. Kids are off the table until this family achieves financial stability.

Shellac
S and I went for pedicures and to try gel (Shellac) manicures today.  If this manicure lasts the two weeks it’s advertised to do, I’m hooked.  It was set before we left the salon – having yet to ever successfully fasten a seat belt without dinging a fresh manicure, this is HUGE.  TB loathes the smell of nail polish, so I rarely have well-manicured nails.  This would be a game-changer and a step forward in my attempt to look like less of a trainwreck. Stand by for a final report.

Yes-piration
Early on it was evident that TB was a keeper for several reasons. Including his friends. We already had a bunch of mutual friends, but each of us fit right into the others circle of friends.  His friends are awesome.  I adore all of them.

Saturday we went out with a bunch of his our friends.  I had a particularly awesome conversation with B-Dub. ‘Lemons into lemonade’ might as well be this guy’s mantra.  He was laid off six months ago and turned a healthy severance package into a six-month journey of self-exploration. In taking an improv class, he talked about learning to say ‘yes’ to almost anything.  He learned to forge a path outside of his comfort zone and took boxing lessons, joined a bowling league, took cooking lessons, and a dozen other things he’s always wanted to do. He reminded me that I really do need to chase down my next ‘thing.’

So now, with gentle nudge from a friend, the focus will be to get ‘unstuck’ and to identify my new ‘thing’ because I’ve got to do something with this pent up energy other than simply putting twice the energy into maintaining composure and trying not to lash out at TB.

Oct 03 2012
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adventure, reduce, renew

Career A, Job B, or Career C

Career A: what began in non-profit, ended twelve years later in corporate burnout…

Job B: scraping together barely enough suitable experience and an executive director with one foot out the door, I landed a job in non-profit that I’m not really qualified to do…nor do I love.

Career C: unknown possible future career?

Job B is fine. It’s good enough. It’s a decent salary, my boss is awesome, and I get to do a bunch of stuff I like doing. But I don’t love it…like I loved Career A.  The trouble with Career A is that the travel and the long hours are suited for a single twenty-something, but not so much for a married thirty-something on the verge of starting a family.

In comes Career C. The next job behind door number three. The leap of faith into something completely new.  The next thing for which I have great passion. The job that isn’t a job but rather something I just love to do. The only trouble with Career C…I don’t know what that career is just yet.

So, I’m fine in Job B until it comes times to bear any future children at which time I do not have short term disability (see: small non-profit) and my insurance rates go through the roof with a plus one.

But in swoops Career A with a potential opportunity. One with better benefits, short term disability, and a shorter commute.  But with a dark side full of Blackberrys, 16-hour days, too many airports, and stress.

I kind of hope the Career A opportunity doesn’t pan out. I don’t want to choose. Because just the thought of being tethered to a Blackberry makes me exhausted…

Sep 24 2012
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reduce, renew

The Pants Dance

It’s the emotionally defeating high-step into a freshly dried pair of jeans.  It’s a carefully negotiated vertical jump to shake down loose haunches. It’s the grand plié that frees up valuable space.

It’s called the Pants Dance.  I hate the Pants Dance. Being 5’3″ with hips, a small waist, and big strong quads, it’s not like pants have ever actually really fit anyway.  But throw in the Freshman 10 I waited to put on until I was 30, and the Pants Dance has become a regular routine I could probably set to music.

Admittedly, I haven’t seen a physical change in myself since starting Clean in ’13 three weeks ago, but today was the first time in a looong time I put on laundered jeans with ease and that is definitely a change.

Being dirty weekend (I can eat ‘dirty’ foods Friday lunch through Sunday breakfast), we ordered pizza. It’s nice to have a comparison diet now. It’s counter-intuitive, but I like that I feel like crap after eating crap now.  It’s becoming harder to eat garbage.  I look forward to Sunday nights because it means I’m back on clean food. I’m also getting more excited for 100ish-percent in 2013. But in the meantime, I’m thankful for Tums.

Sep 16 2012
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reduce

Have Your Nipples Always Looked Like That?

Going to the OB-GYN is what I’d envision it would be like to go to the vet as a cat.  It’s only a step or two ahead along the evolutionary path that prevents us from hissing and kicking during a PAP smear.

I was in a bad relationship with my gynecologist.  Not a relationship that crossed any ethical lines, but rather one that just wasn’t good for my self-esteem.

I call her Gynosaur – and not like the cute herbivores that nibble on tree tops but rather the carnivorous little gremlins in Jurassic Park that lull you and then spit acid in your face.

These are just two of the delightful conversations we’ve had:

Gynosaur: So, you’ve put on a little weight, huh?
Me: What?!
Gynosaur: You weigh ten pounds more than last year.
Me: I do?!
Gynosaur: Ten pounds is a lot to pack on in a year.
Me: [Flustered, embarrassed and naked] I-I I don’t feel much, um, I… Am I…I really don’t think I’ve gained any weight.
Gynosaur: [Flipping through chart] Yep. And two years ago you put on… Oh… Never mind.
Me: How much? Is this a problem? Do I need to be on a diet?
Gynosaur: It looks like you were at 134 at 18-years-old…four more pounds then now.
Me: Four pounds in eight years? Is that bad? Am I fat? Do I need to be on a diet?
Gynosaur: Okay, sit back and I’ll do the breast exam.
Me: [WTF?]

Later, I recalled just having come off a two-week bout with the flu before last year’s visit.  I had dropped 10 lbs in two weeks, but didn’t want to cancel the appointment because it was insanely difficult to reschedule.

But it wasn’t until this, that I decided to break-up with Gynosaur and get a new OB-GYN:

Gynosaur: What are you doing for physical activity?
Me: I started running with a club.
Gynosaur: How far?
Me: [proudly] I’m actually training for my first marathon this fall.
Gynosaur: So, are you the slowest one?
Me: [Flustered pause] I-I, well, I’m not going to win the race. [WTF?]

You’re fat and slow.  That’s exactly the gentle and encouraging approach to woman’s health care that I want in a female doctor who’s got me spread eagle on a table and about to become very medically intimate with my person.

Last week I had a physical from a new GP.  Upon checking my breasts, she asks me, “Have your nipples always looked like that?”  Um? Like what?  She said she would blush if she could (she’s black) and told me she was embarrassed it came out like that but never really told me what looked so odd about my cans.

Oh boy.  I’ve been in this relationship before.  Time to to move on.  You can’t buy manners. Apparently you can’t buy bedside manners either.

*For the record, my nipples look like every other nipple I’ve ever seen.  And I’m positive the Gynosaur would have taken that easy shot if my nipples were abnormal.

Sep 10 2012
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favorites, recycle, reduce

Office Bitch Corn Dip

What a great weekend.  While it was a packed weekend, nothing crazy exciting happened, yet it seemed like a long weekend.  I actually felt relaxed Sunday night.  Part Most of it may have been that I didn’t create (the pressure of) a to-do list.

The first full week of Clean in ’13 was a success.  Come Friday, it was actually hard to eat a sub for lunch. And while the chips, cheese, salsa, taco and enchilada for dinner all went down smoothly, the gut rot later that night was a nice reminder that crap food does crappy things to the body.  We even scrapped Office Bitch Corn Dip* for a fruit salad, cheese and nut crackers for tailgating on Saturday morning.

Although, now that it’s back to the healthy part of the week, I’m mad craving pizza.  Hopefully the cravings dissipate with time…or the stuffed tomato tonight will taste just like Papa John’s.  Either way.

*Office Bitch Corn Dip
2 cans Mexicorn
3-4 T light mayo
2 cups finely shredded cheddar
3-4 chopped green onion

Mix. Refrigerate overnight. Serve with Frito’s Scoops.

Remember to be nice.  It would suck to only be remembered as the a-hole with the great recipe.

Sep 06 2012
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favorites, reduce

Opting Out

Junk mail makes up at least 50% of our daily mail.  Yesterday the hulking Restoration Hardware catalog wrapped in plastic arrived in my mailbox.  Okay, that’s enough.  I’m a fan of  RH and all – they have inspiring color palettes and lovely towels – but three pounds of paper and a plastic bag every six months when I ordered once four years ago??

In searching, I discovered this great website to help opt out of catalogs.  The site just links to the company’s home page, but after the first opt out (Restoration Hardware), I was hooked and determined to opt out of everything unwanted.  Some companies make it easy, others make it a hunt, and still others leave no other option than to call.

A call to Victoria’s Secret and the local newspaper as well an email to Indigo Wild (see below: Zum bar soap = so fresh and so clean, clean), J.Crew, and American Stationery were necessary, but it was easy to opt out of Crate & Barrel, West Elm, and CB2 online.

It sounds like it generally takes 90 days to be removed from the mailing lists.  That’s okay, I’m secretly all right with receiving the holiday catalogs.

Sep 05 2012
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adventure, reduce, renew

I Feel…Good?

It’s difficult to  remember the last time I felt good from the inside out.  There have been plenty of times I’ve felt good from the outside in, but this good feeling radiating from the core has been quite elusive.  Probably since 2006?  Yikes.

It is likely  a combination of things.  Perhaps the vitamin B3 and multivitamin that the doctors advised.  It might be the payout of nine months of therapy.  Maybe it’s about refocusing on me and my mental and physical health. It’s probably all of that.

At least a small part of it is Clean In ’13. While off to a solid start, the opportunity to eat whatever on the weekend is definitely going to help the transition from a ‘whatever’ diet to a healthy diet.  At the doctor’s office yesterday, I weighed in at a 146.  That scale has to be far more accurate than any other, so instead of at the cusp of overweight, I’ve officially jumped off the edge.

Now it’s time to climb back up to the top. It took fifteen years to turn my body into this and it’s illogical to think it’s going to be a quick fix.  In a time of instant gratification, it’s important to remember that.

Never being one to shy away from an uphill adventure, I’m off and running. And I feel good.

Sep 03 2012
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adventure, recycle, reduce, renew

Be Better.

Today we indulged pigged-out at the state fair.  Cheese curds, pretzels, corn, deep fried pickles, cookies, funnel cake, soda, pizza and a stomach ache. Greasy. Gross. Gross. Gross.

Be better.

Clean in ’13 starts tomorrow.  That means from Sunday lunch through Friday breakfast, only whole, healthy foods are consumed.  Friday lunch through Sunday breakfast are open to bad food.  The end goal being to phase out processed and unhealthy foods all together and only eat naughty foods on rare occasion.

Today, I cleaned out the fridge, freezer and cabinets.  All of the foods the processed foods were moved to the front, so that we can use them up (wasting sucks) during the naughty time of the week. I also composted (first compost!)  the freezer-burnt frozen peas (yuck) and straight chucked anything that was expired or stale (no guilt there.)

Tomorrow, I’ll go to the grocery store and fill my cart only with whole, organic foods. This is going to be tough though, because it’s hard to spend more money on food – especially when the commercial celery is $0.99 and the organic variety is three times that amount. It’s a complete change in thinking … and in the grocery budget.

I’m excited to start this, but also worried that I’ll have trouble sticking to it.  Planning and launching are my strengths; execution and longevity in the wellness arena, not so much.

Be better.

Sep 01 2012
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reduce

Ear, Nose & Throat

May through October is the reason we gut out November through April in the Midwest. But once the ragweed blooms, the season changes from summer to hay fever.  Even allergy meds aren’t helping this year — the ragweed must be finding water where grass, plants and gardens are not.

I need to find a better allergy med…

PS It was a blue moon yesterday.  The next one will happen on 7/31/15.

Aug 30 2012
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cancer, reduce

Too Quiet?

Days like today are appreciated by most people.  I wasn’t rushing out of the house this morning; traffic was light; work was a perfect storm of few interruptions and productivity; and tonight brings a solid mix of Mexican food, great friends and football.  What’s not to appreciate about a vanilla day like that?

Vanilla days put me on edge.  They are the eerie calm before the storm.  Like when birds stop making noise in the woods or the fish scatter on a reef. To me, vanilla days indicate imminent danger.

Like the quiet day I told the therapist I felt like something bad was going to happen and the next day S was diagnosed with cancer.  Or the lazy morning TB and I were organizing the office at the new house, my brother called to tell me my mom had a stroke.

I’d definitely rather enjoy these calm days instead of worrying about impending doom … I just don’t know how to.

Since I’ve checked on each of my core people under the guise of a cheery, casual “Hello!”, perhaps tonight, I simply try to enjoy this vanilla evening of Mexican food, great friends and football.

Indeed. That sounds like a much better plan.

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