Category Archives: postpartum depression

Mar 05 2024
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postpartum depression, renew, trauma

It was so much worse than I thought

My friend had a baby two weeks ago and holy shit, seeing her with her newborn has brought some clarity to my own postpartum experience.

The reactionary feelings run the gamut. Joy for this woman who has longed to be a mother; realization of just how bad it was for me; grief over what I missed out on; heartache for myself as a first-time mother; pain over having to navigate it by myself; and if I’m being totally honest, a wee bit of jealousy.

The eight months I spent undiagnosed with postpartum depression and anxiety were even more brutal than I thought they were. I didn’t realize I’d be processing that time of life all over again, but in a way I’m grateful for the opportunity. I’m holding 37yo me gently as I navigate these complex feelings.

A silver lining of not being able to put your newborn daughter down: Eight years later, she still pulls the collar of my shirt down to rest her cheek against my decolletage when she needs connection. And it sends a rush of oxytocin through my heart every time.

Mar 05 2024
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abuse, depression, fight, flight, postpartum depression, reduce, trauma

What goes around…

Cleaning out the drafts folder. This one is from 2016.

This is a story about bullies getting some good old-fashioned comeuppance.

Quarterback was born in 2015. I returned to work at Greed Financial three months later. The boss I adored had left the company and I returned to report to Jafar.

Jafar, a heavy-set woman with unnaturally red hair that she curls every day, was the VP of my area. She has the trendy glasses and wardrobe of the ad world from whence she came. She has a great laugh and an approachable nature. A fox in sheep’s clothing.

Soon enough, my role was layered and then layered again underneath Jafar. It wasn’t a problem, except my new boss was a person we’ll call Tiny Tyrant. The Tiny Tyrant was bat shit crazy. Jafar was a grown-ass bully.

Later…

I started the draft in June 2019. I don’t want to relive the details necessary to paint a full picture of how callous these catty women were, so we’ll fast forward to the comeuppance.

I was looking for a new job at the same time I was talking to attorney about Jafar’s interference in my career at Greed Financial. Here’s the series of events:

  1. I started talking to an attorney
  2. I began interviewing internally and externally
  3. A hiring manager at Greed Financial told me that Jafar had interfered with me getting a job in his group.
  4. I asked HR for my file and some poor intern gave me the file they aren’t supposed to show you
  5. I had written proof of their harassment, retaliation and discrimination.
  6. They laid me off the day before I announced I was pregnant with my second child.
  7. I got a lucrative offer from a mom who was nine-months pregnant and didn’t care that I was pregnant.
  8. My attorney went for the jugular.
  9. Greed Financial settled with me.
  10. Greed Financial unceremoniously fired Tiny Tyrant and Jafar.