reducerenewrecycle

On August 6 I declared, “The next three months I’ll spend trying to holistically rid myself of this depression through yoga, talk therapy, St. John’s Wort, massage, and exercise.”

What’s that quote? Life happens when you’re making other plans?  Yep.

I have a new thing. I’m sure those closest to me could tally up quite a list of the new things I’ve proclaimed over the years. There was the year I didn’t eat McDonald’s. The time I wanted to see how long it took me to see the license plates of all of the states and D.C. in my home state. Then the times I did Crossfit, trained for the marathon, joined a water ski team, took a pottery class, then a stained glass class, joined a yoga studio, ate healthy during the week and whatever I wanted on the weekend, not to mention the time I only ingested smoothies for lunch or the time I wouldn’t watch television if I hadn’t exercised for at least 30 minutes…

I probably have about a 70% success rate because I did run a marathon, I did ski with a team for two years, I did make pottery and stained glass, I did see the plates of all fifty states and D.C., and I did not eat McDonald’s for an entire year. The most glaring failures have been with food and exercise.  I’m obviously not picking sustainable things for me. Even yoga. I really enjoyed the workout, but am not driven to do it. In looking at the one activity in which I’ve had the most success, it’s running.

Treads has been with me since 2006.  Together, she and I have run two marathons, four half-marathons, and hundreds of miles in between. We’ve run in snow, rain, at 5:00 a.m. to avoid the heat and at 8:00 p.m. because that’s the only time we could. We’ve run through my mom’s stroke, her husband’s unemployment, S’s cancer, the death of her grandmother, an so on. We’ve run in every condition – both environmentally and emotionally.

I’m not successful in running because I like it. I’m successful because it’s something that my living, breathing journal and I do together.  I’m successful because it’s cathartic.  Running gives me the opportunity to release negative or positive energy and then immediately burn it off.

Treads and I will pick back up in March to train for a half and a full marathon in 2014.  But I need to figure out what it is that I will do between now and then. I’m beginning to think the stagnation is a catalyst in my malaise.

I have until November 6 before I said I would see a psychiatrist about antidepressants.  Since it’s my desire to do this organically if possible, I better kick the August 6 plan into gear or, in the least, figure out a new thing that is sustainable and will aid in recovery from this depression.