Stuck
The month after we married in 2011, TB, as he says, began working “without drawing a salary” from his start-up business (see: unemployed.) In September, a friend threw him a bone and he’s working a contract job for the election making half of what he did in early 2011. Marrying a man who immediately after was unable to contribute to our new family, but rather starting borrowing my emergency savings was not only scary but really a hard pill to swallow. Normally Type A and very fiscally responsible (thanks, dad), I’ve surprised myself in being pretty cool about the whole situation. But now, after more than a year without being able to take a vacation or do any house projects, and being on the heavy side of our 50/50 arrangement, resentment and restlessness are setting in.
I’m sick to death of the abstract conversations about refinishing the tub, fixing the sink, cleaning the ducts, updating the kitchen, finishing the basement, etc. Fed up feeling stuck, I purchased a light fixture to replace the awful light in the office. Since electricity scares the bajesus out of me, TB lovingly agreed to install it. After he surely fried the unit’s wiring trying to install, it’s now collecting dust on the floor. Deflated doesn’t even begin to describe the disappointment.
Lately, any financial woes have always resulted in the same fear: going into debt to have a baby. The idea of taking on the stress of the financial burden of a kid is just too much. Kids are off the table until this family achieves financial stability.
Shellac
S and I went for pedicures and to try gel (Shellac) manicures today. If this manicure lasts the two weeks it’s advertised to do, I’m hooked. It was set before we left the salon – having yet to ever successfully fasten a seat belt without dinging a fresh manicure, this is HUGE. TB loathes the smell of nail polish, so I rarely have well-manicured nails. This would be a game-changer and a step forward in my attempt to look like less of a trainwreck. Stand by for a final report.
Yes-piration
Early on it was evident that TB was a keeper for several reasons. Including his friends. We already had a bunch of mutual friends, but each of us fit right into the others circle of friends. His friends are awesome. I adore all of them.
Saturday we went out with a bunch of his our friends. I had a particularly awesome conversation with B-Dub. ‘Lemons into lemonade’ might as well be this guy’s mantra. He was laid off six months ago and turned a healthy severance package into a six-month journey of self-exploration. In taking an improv class, he talked about learning to say ‘yes’ to almost anything. He learned to forge a path outside of his comfort zone and took boxing lessons, joined a bowling league, took cooking lessons, and a dozen other things he’s always wanted to do. He reminded me that I really do need to chase down my next ‘thing.’
So now, with gentle nudge from a friend, the focus will be to get ‘unstuck’ and to identify my new ‘thing’ because I’ve got to do something with this pent up energy other than simply putting twice the energy into maintaining composure and trying not to lash out at TB.
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